I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
