Why does Corona taste like a burp?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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