I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
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