I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
