I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.