If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?