You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing