my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls