just come out here and I will go home with you...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
