The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
