i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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