Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
