So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
