i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
