He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
