Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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