You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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