thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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