I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
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