My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
