So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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