I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
