I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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