I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize