He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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