somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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