Your face is a jimmy john
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
