dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
