This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
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My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
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He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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