It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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