it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
