Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
