If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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