Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
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i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
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In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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