i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
