Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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