Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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