I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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