Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
