I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just high enough for therapy.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
