If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize