i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
