No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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