My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
