i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
