My friends, they love my intelligence
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.