Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.