Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
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