My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
