I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
