i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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