I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
