So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
