I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
