I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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