Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you would pick up someone in the library
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
