Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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