Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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