Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
