TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
