i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
