He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
