I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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