after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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