I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
