i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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